The concept of resilience has become quite popular. We know how relevant and important resilience is when it comes to dealing with trauma.

But did you know how important resilience is for dealing with stress? 

In this fifth practice on our pandemic mental health resource hub, I want to explore the connection between resilience and character — plus five key skills you can build to increase your own resilience.

The Relationship Between Character and Resilience

A strong character and resilience have an intimate and direct relationship, although most people don’t think about it.

Jamie D. Aten, a psychologist who specializes in humanitarian disasters, describes the nuances of this relationship as:

Personal development gurus often say that optimism and hope are the keys to overcoming difficulties, but there are many other important traits to consider. If you have a strong personality, and you can deal with the ups and downs of life, you’ll have a distinct advantage. It’s all about having a good attitude, emotional stability, and a clear purpose.

The prevailing message that most people hear in the media is that you have to be happy and optimistic. It seems like that is the only way to be. Most people have become intolerant to loss, mistakes, or sadness.

People with a strong character, however, see things exactly as they are. That goes hand in hand with resilience and invites you to see, accept, and face the obstacles in your way.

Being brave enough to face reality is what gives you authentic motivation and strength.

Characteristics of a Resilient Person

Sometimes people with a strong character can make others uncomfortable. They’re sincere and determined and have no problems with expressing what they don’t want and don’t like. They also clearly express their needs.

That said, they never disrespect or bully anyone. Having a strong character also goes hand in hand with sensitivity and empathy.

People who are resilient and have a strong character are also hopeful and have clear goals. Their hope plays out in concrete, achievable goals. Their optimism translates to taking baby steps forward and overcoming problems while keeping an eye on their values and purpose. A strong character and resilience certainly make you stand out in a crowd.

When you have these traits, you project self-confidence and self-assuredness. Although you don’t impose your beliefs or values on other people, you always stand out.

Think about it…

You probably know someone who’s resilient and has a strong character:

• That single mom who’s raising her kids by herself

• That friend who is working full time while pursuing their education

• That adolescent who failed their Drivers Ed exam three times

• That coworker picking up extra hours after an exhausting day

These kinds of people inspire us.

The 5 Key Stress Resilience Skills

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is a prerequisite for choice and control. If your thoughts and feelings are operating outside of awareness, then they control you. If you want to control them, the first thing is to open up a window of awareness that is a chance to pause and consider before choosing, deciding, and acting.

2. Attention (Flexibility and Stability of Focus)

Your attention, or your focus, is like a muscle in many ways. It can be trained and developed. When you're not focused, your mind tends to be either worrying about the future or regretting the past. And that's where you generally find stress and unhappiness. Mindfulness is a key tool for training attention.

3. Letting Go (Physical)

“Letting go” physically can refer to relaxing muscles and tension, but I mean it more broadly than that — calming the body, reducing restlessness and agitation, and physiological arousal.

4. Letting Go (Mental)

“Letting go” mentally involves separating yourself, at least to a degree, from your own thinking and the narratives playing in your head — creating mental space, so that you differentiate your thoughts, beliefs, and stories about the world from the world itself. Of course, your beliefs and stories are intimately bound up with emotions. So creating space around thinking tends to take the heat out of your emotions.

5. Accessing and Sustaining Positive Emotion

Most people are primarily occupied with getting rid of negative emotions. But it's not enough to get rid of bad feelings (and, ultimately, not always possible).

Positivity is not simply the absence of negative emotion, or even the opposite. When you withdraw your attention from negativity (stop feeding it energy, but at the same time not struggling against it) and instead give your attention to positivity, that positivity can start to naturally displace the negatives. Accessing positivity is a relatively distinct skill, which can be trained and developed like the others in this list.

Learn More with a Mental Health Counselor in Sioux Falls

Resilience doesn’t always come naturally — especially now, during the COVID-19 crisis.

For help in navigating these new changes and in building your own resilience, we invite you to speak with one of our mental health counselors. While we normally operate out of Sioux Falls, we are currently offering 100% online sessions as part of our new tele-health therapy.