Our team was once again joined by Bill Taverner for our Sex Plus Symposium to discuss the touchy subject of masturbation.

We previously discussed sexual consent and healthy relationships and building a capacity for sexual consent with Bill. In this latest session, he helped us tackle the subject of masturbation, which often times is not a frequently discussed subject for many sex educators. 

Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter, co-authored by Bill Taverner, Peggy Brick, Jan Lunquist and Allyson Sandak, recognizes that the sexual scripts most of us learned as children are actually inadequate for our lives as older adults.

People want to feel normal, and often, people wonder if masturbating is normal behavior. 

Learning About Masturbation

In texts as far back as Genesis in the Bible, stories of “spilling one’s seed” have been misconstrued as a bad look at masturbation. Many people and stories have continued to perpetuate this state of mind over time.

If we want to become comfortable with this healthy, personal act, it's important to take the time to look at where Christianity and sexuality meet and work through the shame associated with an age-old translation prohibiting masturbation.

Masturbation takes place all around the world and in all cultures. Many religions share the belief that masturbation is prohibited and causes many feelings of shame and guilt.

Many people believe it is wrong to masturbate and that it is just a poor substitute for sexual intercourse, which is simply false. People are also typically more comfortable talking about other sexual activities than masturbation.

Talking about masturbation — whether it be with your partner or with your child as they mature and grow older — is something that is necessary to eliminate shame and guilt, even though many people think it’s something that should be kept secret.

Many children learn at a very young age that touching their genitals elicits a positive feeling. On average, 74% of males and 48% of females masturbate between the ages of 14-17 years old. 

If we can teach about the healthiness of masturbation, we can give people an additional outlet when they’re not having sexual contact with a partner.

Masturbation doesn’t solely consist of deep penetration for pleasure. There are many types of pleasure that are included. All parts of the body can be erotic, and masturbation doesn’t always need to lead to orgasm. A person can simply touch their genitals because it feels good.

The genitals aren’t the only place on the body that can be touched for pleasure, either. There are many forms of outercourse that one can choose to participate in.

Data shows that masturbation is a lifelong behavior. In fact, around 70% of people who are married mastrubate at least occasionally. Those who are older and have a partner also continue to masturbate.  

What Is Masturbation?

[pull quote] Masturbation has been described as “having sex with the only person whose sexual history you can trust completely.” 

There are many definitions on what exactly masturbation is. Masturbation might also involve a partner and can be more complex and diverse than most people first assume.

• Masturbation — Self-stimulation of the genitalia by touch or pressure, usually with the hands or vibrator, and with orgasm as a common but not inevitable or necessary outcome.*

• Masturbation — Stimulating one’s own body, especially genitals, to become sexually aroused, whether or not in the presence of another person and whether or not orgasm results. Fantasizing to orgasm without physical stimulation.**

• Shared masturbation — Involves masturbating as part of a sexual encounter with someone else, who may also be masturbating.

• Mutual masturbation — Sexual activity in which the partners handle each other’s genitalia and bring each other to orgasm.

A lot of the conversation and language surrounding masturbation is typically male-dominated. 

Interestingly, some of the most accepted terms don’t necessarily incorporate women. Terms such as “jacking off” or “rub one off” do not have an associated female term. Women are simply referred to as “touching” themselves or “pleasuring” themselves. 

In all the conversations about masturbation, the most important elements typically left out are the benefits it can provide.

In part two of our session with Bill, we discuss the benefits masturbation can provide and additional resources.

*Francoeur, R.T., et. al. (1995). The Complete Dictionary of Sexology. New York: Continuum Press.

**Cornog, M. (2003). The Big Book of Masturbation. San Francisco: Down There Press.