Who would have thought this is what 2020 would look like?

The reality of our new existence under COVID-19 still seems surreal.  We are all working to regain some sense of normalcy in our lives, even though the implications of the virus will not be known for some time.

It is important for us to focus on not only our own physical and mental health, but also the physical and mental health of the children we may have at home. 

We need to keep in mind that children are experiencing major upheaval in their lives during critical developmental periods. They cannot see their friends, go to school, or participate in other activities. Some are missing out on milestone events, like their high school graduation, a long-awaited sports season, or special family events, like weddings or funerals. It is important for parents or caregivers to watch for signs of stress in your child, and do what you can to help them cope. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that you watch for “excessive worry or sadness, unhealthy eating or sleeping habits, and difficulty with attention and concentration” in children during this time.

These symptoms are widespread in both parents and children as we all strive to acclimate to our current reality. Make sure to take care of your own mental health, and try not to let your stress trickle down to your children.

What should parents and caregivers do to help children get through this?  

Five strategies are outlined below!

1. Create Structure

According to the CDC, one important place to start with setting your child up for success while social distancing and homeschooling is to create structure and rules.

What does that look like?

All caregivers in the household need to get on the same page to decide upon routines for the children and to ensure behaviors will be responded to in a consistent way. Of course, leave room for some flexibility, but you should still hold family meetings to get children on the same page and talk through the plan.

Be sure to prioritize physical activity as well as consistent bedtime routines. Having a healthy, well-rested body contributes significantly to having a healthier, happier mental state.

2. Be Consistent 

In order to give power to our words, we need to follow through with what we say we are going to do. If children push back on our guidelines, and we cave in, we teach them that what we say does not really matter, and they will continue to press boundaries.

Standing our ground teaches children how to behave or learn to control their behaviors. When we create a consistent set of expectations, this also gives children a sense of safety. Not feeling safe causes anxiety.

3. Be Emotionally Available

It is vitally important to be emotionally available to children. Children are dealing with very complex emotions, so it is important to spend even a short amount (10-15 minutes) of one-on-one time with each child per day in order to maintain a connective bond.

Let the child choose an activity to complete together, whether it be going for a walk, reading, cooking together, or building a fort. This will help fulfill children’s need for attention. It gives them attention proactively, rather than waiting for them to “misbehave” so they can gain reactive attention that way.

When that happens (and it will), it is important to keep your cool and not yell. Empathizing with the child and talking in a calm voice will help to mitigate the issue, while yelling and shaming only exacerbates it. Check in with them frequently, and be proactive about seeking professional help if needed. 

4. Stay Connected

Children, like adults, are social creatures, so it is important to keep their social network strong. Because socialization helps to regulate our mood, it is important to regularly reach out to friends and family via phone or video chats. You can also assist children with writing letters or creating artwork for family members you cannot visit.

Be sure to check with your local school district for resources on social and emotional learning besides their virtual schooling sessions. Prioritize providing quality Internet connection for children, and allow them to Skype or FaceTime with peers, as this will make them feel less alone and can mitigate stress.

5. Think Positively

Reframe negative thoughts, and teach positive self-talk.  These practices are taken from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is one of the most evidence-based treatments for anxiety.

Take time to share with each other what you are thankful for and what you appreciate about your child. Take a break from, or limit time, watching or listening to news stories, including those on social media. Reassure your children they are safe. Talk about things you are looking forward to, whether it be activities like movie night or a wedding that will eventually be rescheduled.

See All Pandemic Coping Practices

For more helpful guidelines with helping children cope during COVID-19, check out this CDC resource page, which provides plenty of healthy ideas.

We have plenty of healthy ideas on our own website, too. Visit our Pandemic Resource Hub to see the other pandemic coping practices in this series. Each has been written by one of our counselors in Sioux Falls here at Kimberly Keiser and Associates. 

If you have any further questions, please feel free to reach out!