Transgender Healthcare: Intimate Relationships
The world of transgender healthcare is complex. Anyone who is considering a transition or has already transitioned likely has questions about the nature of their relationship(s) going forward.
In this post, our team of transgender healthcare specialists in Sioux Falls answers many of these common questions about intimate relationships for transgender people. If you have further questions after reading this post, please contact our team; we would be happy to help however we can.
When you’re finished with this article, feel free to explore the other two posts in this series:
Dating as a Transgender Person
Transgender people, like cisgendered people, have relationships with intimate partners. There are a number of ways that transgender people can find attraction in relationships:
Trans-attracted partners: Trans-attracted partners are people who are specifically attracted to transgender people. Transgender people can encounter negative experiences with trans-attracted people who may have a fetish for trans bodies to the detriment of seeing the transgender person in a way that is consistent with their gender identity. Not all trans-attracted partners fetishize trans bodies, however. Trans bodies are just as good as other bodies, and people find attraction in many varied ways.
Dating other trans people: Dating someone who is transgender can be helpful to many transgender people because they have a partner who shares their experiences. The Internet provides a wide space to meet other transgender people.
Dating within queer communities: Queer is an umbrella term for anyone who is not cisgender and heterosexual. Many queer communities are trans inclusive; for example, trans women may date women partners, and trans men may date men, or trans men may date lesbian-identified women.
Trans-friendly communities: There are some communities that are trans-friendly by nature of their gender nonconformity. For example, goth, punk, and anime cultures have greater inclusion for transgender people.
Transgender people may notice that when they transition, presenting in a different gender can impact how other people relate to them, including in intimate relationships. Transgender people who pass have to decide when to disclose being transgender when they are dating.
It is important to building intimacy in a relationship to be honest about who you are, but transgender people have the right to decide to whom and when they disclose they are transgender. When a transgender person decides to enter into a sexual relationship with another person, however, it is important to disclose being transgender if only as a matter of safety.
While disclosing being transgender is significant, every person has disclosures that are personal that they make in the process of developing a relationship with another person. Personal disclosures while dating are an opportunity for friendship building and emotional intimacy, which are the foundations of a healthy, long-term relationship.
Having a trans status isn’t the only factor that can contribute to finding a compatible partner. Other factors include sexual orientation, attractions, kinks, or being polyamorous. Transitioning can open up new aspects of self that may need to be explored if someone is in a relationship during the time of transition or even while they are dating.
Some transgender people choose not to have an intimate and/or sexual relationship during their transition or beyond.
Relationships in Transition
Some transgender people have been in relationships or marriages for years before they come out to their partner, while others come out to their partner as they come out to themselves.
It is difficult to have healthy intimacy and communication in a relationship in which a transgender identity is not disclosed. Some relationships can become stronger during a transition, while others will not survive.
There are a variety of reasons why some relationships end as a result of transition. When someone who is in a relationship decides to transition, not only do they have to transition, but their relationship has to transition. It is important that partners discuss how they want to come out and in what situations they want to come out. Like transgender people, their partners may become targets of discrimination or violence once they come out. It is very important that the couple, like the individual, find supportive communities to be part of after coming out.
Sexual desires can also change during a transition. For example, increase or decrease in sex drive, interest in sexual practices, or even the type of people the transgender person is attracted to can all change. These shifting desires can create new opportunities for couples or cause disruptions in their sexual compatibility.
For partners who consider themselves homosexual or heterosexual, coming out may end the relationship. It is not realistic to expect a relationship to last during or after a transition. Having a relationship and/or a family with someone is often cause for them to decide not to transition. Unfortunately, for some who come out after being in a long-term relationship, it is often a process of choosing what they can live without.
Partners of transgender people also need specific support during the transition process. Many aspects of their lives are changing as a result of the transition. It is extremely important to have good communication with your partner during a transition, and in many cases, it is advantageous to seek professional support. Relationships, like individuals, benefit from counseling during a transition.
FIND Support with Transgender Therapy
Our team offers transgender therapy in Sioux Falls for transgender people and their partners. Click the button below to learn more about our services.
Curious to learn more about transgender healthcare? Read our other posts in this series: