Understanding Intimacy: Communication and Connection
While meanings of intimacy are often used interchangeably, intimacy can be used to describe how close couples feel, as well as their shared connection intellectually, emotionally, and physically. If there are levels of sexual desire and intimacy that are discrepant or lacking between couples, it can generally be associated with lower relationship and sexual satisfaction.
In contrast, research has shown that couples who share higher amounts of daily intimacy report a higher level of marital satisfaction, which in turn leads to higher levels of sexual frequency and satisfaction.
Communication is one of the primary ways in which intimacy is created and strengthened in couple relationships.
Research has shown that couples who communicate more frequently and in depth share higher levels of intimacy. Communication can range from seemingly superficial, daily conversations to deeper levels of vulnerability, like sharing personal and private internal experiences and having their partner validate and support those experiences.
As a sex therapist, I have found that couples who experience a range of communication experiences from superficial and playful to vulnerable and deeply expressive, – and have the ability to freely move between these ways of communicating – share higher levels of intimacy and greater relationship satisfaction.
There is also research showing that high levels of sexual satisfaction also promote higher levels of intimacy. In other words, if a couple is having meaningful and pleasurable sexual experiences, they feel more intimacy in their relationship.
When I’m working with a couple in a long-term relationship who are experiencing greater levels of conflict and less intimacy, it’s common that I recommend they spend more quality time together, plan date nights, and prioritize time for sexual connections. In these situations, talking about the issues that are creating the difficulty or the focus of conflict isn’t necessarily the solution – sexual connection and satisfaction is.
When couples come to therapy with issues of sexual dissatisfaction or dysfunction, in addition to lack of intimacy, it is important to discern how these variables might occur in their relationship. Many couples arrive at therapy, focused on lack of sexual satisfaction, when intimacy and communication dynamics should be more thoroughly understood.
Are you ready to learn more about how you can develop intimacy and sexual satisfaction in your relationship? Contact Us to schedule an appointment or inquire further about service options.